Cancer Sucks

At the beginning of August our older dog Drake was diagnosed with cancer. The vet couldn’t ever get a good sample to send off to the lab so she basically told us it was the worst. It’s in his mandible he’s 10 years old. I ask the vet what she would do if it were her dog. She told us to manage pain and make him as happy and comfortable as possible.

The Vet said that this form of cancer is generally in limbs of animals. If they amputate from where the tumor is then they usually only give them 6 months tops to live. Since it was in his head then it would spread quicker. We have been preparing for the worst. I have never owned anything long enough for it to die on me. I haven’t had to deal with death and watching something die ever. I have technically been with the dog longer than my husband since he’s been on many deployments. I have never seen my husband so upset. Which is understandable.

Last Friday we took Drake in to get a check up. The Vet honestly looked surprised that he was doing so well. Since the initial diagnosis our female Kali has gone in heat. We are hoping that we get a Drake Jr out of the bunch if she is prego. The Vet is now thinking that it might not be the ‘bad’ cancer that she originally thought it was. I’m just happy that we are going to get to keep him around a little longer than we had hoped in the beginning.

Since we have found out about our dog. Several people who I ‘know’ have gotten some of the same news. I had no idea that cancer was this bad in dogs now days. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Whatever we are doing seems to be working so I’m just going to keep on doing that.

I just wanted to share what I have learned from this experience. Don’t ever let a day go by with out you letting the people or pets in this case not know how much you love them. Give them that extra hug and scratch. They will love you even more for it.

xoxo
Ash

Rub me down..

OK so I’m 31 and I had never had a massage till yesterday. All I can say is WOW. I don’t know how I lasted that long with out one. I already made an appointment for another one. I love love love it.

I did not realize however how bad my right hip is till yesterday. It’s the stiffer of the 2 but its better too. Last night it even helped take minutes off my run. Which is getting better too. I think that the massage was a key to unlock things that had before felt like they were never going to open. Like my shoulders. I was also amazed that such a little girl could really get down deep on me. I wanted to get up and immediately start doing drop backs it was awesome!. I can’t wait for my next one.

I will try to get a massage at the minimum at least once a month. Every 3 weeks is the goal now.

Namaste..

Chewy Chocolate Gingerbread Cookies

Found this recipe and made these for my Cookie Exchange at work. I tripled them and they are fantastic.

makes 2 dozen

* 7 ounces best-quality semisweet chocolate
* 1 1/2 cups plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
* 1 1/4 teaspoons ground ginger
* 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
* 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
* 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter
* 1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
* 1/2 cup dark-brown sugar, packed
* 1/2 cup unsulfured molasses
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/4 cup granulated sugar

Directions

1. Line two baking sheets with parchment. Chop chocolate into 1/4-inch chunks; set aside. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, ground ginger, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and cocoa.

2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, beat butter and grated ginger until whitened, about 4 minutes. Add brown sugar; beat until combined. Add molasses; beat until combined.

3. In a small bowl, dissolve baking soda in 1 1/2 teaspoons boiling water. Beat half of flour mixture into butter mixture. Beat in baking-soda mixture, then remaining half of flour mixture. Mix in chocolate; turn out onto a piece of plastic wrap. Pat dough out to about 1 inch thick; seal with wrap; refrigerate until firm, 2 hours or more.

4. Heat oven to 325 degrees. Roll dough into 1 1/2- inch balls; place 2 inches apart on baking sheets. Refrigerate 20 minutes. Roll in granulated sugar. Bake until the surfaces crack slightly, 10 to 12 minutes. Let cool 5 minutes; transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

I love to bake and these were fun and very time consuming to make.. Baking is a mediation to me and I love to do it. The holidays just give me another excuse to do it.. Hope that you enjoy them too.

Friends with ‘Me’

OK so I have been reading and its really been getting to me. I have noticed that somehow the right book seems to find me when I need it the most. The Namaste Book club has been great for me for this reason.

I’m reading books that i may have never heard of or never would have picked up to begin with.

I have been having a hard time mediating lately. I have been find things about myself that I either A)didn’t like B)didn’t want to deal with or C) just sucked in general to deal with.

This book has made me realize that I’m not a “bad person” no matter what has happened. That I can love myself and its OK to not be the “best person” all the time.

My past isn’t to fantastic but I’m trying really hard to be the best person that I can be now and in the future. I want to like me for me, not the person that I want to be or that someone else wants me to be. But the person that I AM right now, right here.

Through my yoga practice I have become more aware of these issues and have really started to want to make a change in all things that I do. Love, life, teaching, working, whatever it might be. I want to be a better me doing it.

The things that I hate to do the most are the things that I am making a moving meditation on the Daily.

So I guess I’m working on the now and the me part. I need a book to help me with the us part now too.. lol

Namaste
xoxo
AshdYogi

TheDemon

Here is the story. I have had the nickname ‘Demon’ since i was very small. I was very spoiled, always got what i wanted and didn’t really care about anyone or thing but myself.

From the time of about 13-26 i was evil to my family. I know we were all bad to a point i was stupid bad. My ex-boyfriend started calling me AshDemon when we broke up and towards the end of our relationship. It kinda stuck.

Lately since i have moved to a new town few people know about that nickname. Now in OKC I’m known as AshDemon. Here and for the past 5 yrs its been AshD or Ash. I have been wondering why this keeps popping up.?

I was thinking it was because of all the bad shit that i use to do. I don’t think so anymore. I think it has something to do with the way that I do the things that you know you shouldn’t do but would regret if you didn’t? if that makes any since.

I just think that the demon could be a good demon. One thing that triggered this is when i was at my yoga teachers house her boyfriend put the word ‘demon’ on my picture on the fridge. Everyone else had words to and I don’t know if she told him about my past but anyhow i thought “geez I’m never going to get this name away.”

I know through yoga and meditation im a better person i ever was before. I only want to get better too. but there comes a point when i just need to be me too. THere has to be a balance between the yogi and the demon.

I’m going to embrace the demon though. Know I’m the girl you call when you want to do some thing you shouldn’t but really want to anyhow. But also the girl tht you can trust to be there if you need something serious. I love my family, friends, and teachers.

Sometimes i miss the old me.. But I LOVE the new me. I’m happy most of the time. I will embrace the Demon when she presents her self.. and be OK with it.. Not think I’m a bad person cause people see this in me.

PS.. or side note to all this.. on the yoga retreat I met a Mexican woman that called me El Diabla. Never met her before ever. she just saw it. freaked me out then too..

xoxo

AshD

why all at the same time.?

Well this has been one hell of a summer so far. Im glad that its almost over. Time to go back to Cali and do something different for a while. Life has been throwing me some crazy curveballs here lately though. Things that I didnt think I was ready for somehow I now know I am.

One thing for sure was my dad. I knew he wasnt doing well. Growing up in a small town people always seem to know your business. I knew that he had, had a few heartattacks and that he wasnt doing good. Me being hard headed, I didnt wnat to pick up the phone and make the call. It was his turn this time. He did last friday. I was very upset at frist always assuming the worst. So I went to see him to put aside our differences. Regaurdless of our past I dont want to not be there for him when he needs me.

This has been diffucult to juggle and explain to my mom. O well. I know that I have to do what I need to do to make this better for me.

Im thinking that this maybe my lesson in forgiveness. Its hard to be mad at someone when they cnat change the past. Im taking this as my cue to do what I think is best. I have been sitting and meditating about it. I know i cant be angry cause thats just lost energy.

I know that thru my pratice and meditation all well be fine. Life just has to run its course.

xoxo
AshD

Those Dang Chest Openers…

Yoga has helped me in so many different was it has helped me to quiet my mind and learn to be still. Its also helped me learn from myself and care more for other people around me.

I think that I have noticed the most is that I have become more sensitive towards other people and myself. I was always the girl that was to ‘tough’ to cry or for anyone to see upset.

Within the past year I have noticed as my chest and my upper shoulders have started to open so has all the ‘crap’ that I have been carrying around with me as well.

I haven’t been the best or nicest person throughout my life. I know this. I am now trying to be a different more caring person towards myself and others. I think that it has been harder to forgive myself than it ever has been to forgive anyone else. Actually I know that it has because I work on it everyday still. I haven’t forgave myself.

I know that holding on to things only hurts me in the end. So I’m trying really hard to forgive myself so that I can move on.

For some reason I seem to think since I have done some pretty shitty things that I am a shitty person. I know (I think) that I’m truly not a bad person.

I know the more chest openers that I do the more it will all come out.

Its weird to me to know that once i start to open my body up physically then emotionally it just follows. Pretty neat too. I love Yoga and all the things that I learn and grow from it daily.

Sit more is what I have to do. I don’t know about anyone else but the sitting helps me the most.