Cancer Sucks

At the beginning of August our older dog Drake was diagnosed with cancer. The vet couldn’t ever get a good sample to send off to the lab so she basically told us it was the worst. It’s in his mandible he’s 10 years old. I ask the vet what she would do if it were her dog. She told us to manage pain and make him as happy and comfortable as possible.

The Vet said that this form of cancer is generally in limbs of animals. If they amputate from where the tumor is then they usually only give them 6 months tops to live. Since it was in his head then it would spread quicker. We have been preparing for the worst. I have never owned anything long enough for it to die on me. I haven’t had to deal with death and watching something die ever. I have technically been with the dog longer than my husband since he’s been on many deployments. I have never seen my husband so upset. Which is understandable.

Last Friday we took Drake in to get a check up. The Vet honestly looked surprised that he was doing so well. Since the initial diagnosis our female Kali has gone in heat. We are hoping that we get a Drake Jr out of the bunch if she is prego. The Vet is now thinking that it might not be the ‘bad’ cancer that she originally thought it was. I’m just happy that we are going to get to keep him around a little longer than we had hoped in the beginning.

Since we have found out about our dog. Several people who I ‘know’ have gotten some of the same news. I had no idea that cancer was this bad in dogs now days. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Whatever we are doing seems to be working so I’m just going to keep on doing that.

I just wanted to share what I have learned from this experience. Don’t ever let a day go by with out you letting the people or pets in this case not know how much you love them. Give them that extra hug and scratch. They will love you even more for it.

xoxo
Ash

Sirsasana Still

Today was the first day that I actually got on my yoga mat at home in a long while. I have been neglecting my home practice bad.

I didn’t even do that long of a practice but I know that I HAVE to do Sirsasana every time I practice yoga at all. So tonight I got on my yoga mat. The big black one and was in Sirsasana in no time. Perhaps its like riding a bike.?

I have been teaching my classes but not letting myself be a student. From now on its more about me and the mat. I need this now. I have felt self-destructive and crazy lately. I know it’s because my personal yoga practice is not that strong at the moment.

I know that if I put it into writing I’m more likely to follow through with it. So here goes. At least 20mins a day for at least the next 60days. I leave for Hawaii in 29 days (but who’s counting right?).

xoxo
Ash

365 Yoga: Day 1

So im starting 2011 by trying to commit to doing Yoga for weather it be reading, meditation, asana or perhaps even writing(which Im trying to do more of). Im going to try to talk about it often but not to much to wear no one wants to read it.

Im going to be reading A Year of Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater along with several of my friends on twitter.

Today Im reading and watching movies cozy up on the couch with 2 snoring dogs and J. Drinking tea. I need a chill day..

I love tea

Rub me down..

OK so I’m 31 and I had never had a massage till yesterday. All I can say is WOW. I don’t know how I lasted that long with out one. I already made an appointment for another one. I love love love it.

I did not realize however how bad my right hip is till yesterday. It’s the stiffer of the 2 but its better too. Last night it even helped take minutes off my run. Which is getting better too. I think that the massage was a key to unlock things that had before felt like they were never going to open. Like my shoulders. I was also amazed that such a little girl could really get down deep on me. I wanted to get up and immediately start doing drop backs it was awesome!. I can’t wait for my next one.

I will try to get a massage at the minimum at least once a month. Every 3 weeks is the goal now.

Namaste..

Take away this ball and chain

I know addicts. Hell I probably use to be one even. I think everyone has been addicted to one thing or another at least once. Could be food, someone else, your hair, the interwebs, or even yoga. Some of these aren’t bad but most of them are. I use to drink to much and party a lot. I don’t any longer.

This morning I was watching the Today Show this morning and Keith Richards was on doing an interview promoting his new book . I had to sit down and listen. I grew up on The Stones. Everytime I hear ‘Shattered’ I think about my mom driving me to school and singing it for the first time that I had ever heard it in my life. I was shocked and amazed at how cool she was for knowing that song. I know from that day on. My mom was cool. My dad had always listened to them too on vinyl.

Anyhow as I listened to Keith talk this morning about his book, Mick, and their baby The Rolling Stones. It was amazing to listen talk about his battles with drugs. Mick then went on to say that he had been off ‘junk’ for 30 years and how he can’t escape the ‘ball and chain’ as he put it.

I know how he feels. I have been clean since the week before Thanksgiving of 2003. I don’t have the urge to do ‘junk’ anymore and haven’t since I decided to quit. I come from a very small town where everyone knows everyone elses business. It just happens like that in small towns. It has taken me years to not be the ‘party girl’ I once was.

Since I have began looking to fix the things that led me to that life. It wasn’t necessarily the drugs it was more the life style that went along with it. Walking in to clubs everyone screaming your name, drinks were free, and you were everyone’s best friend. Even if just for a night. You felt awesome. One night something truly horrible happened and I was there to witness it all. This is why I now have PTSD. I went home. Never treatment of any sort. I just knew I needed my family. I have never looked back. This changed my life.

This is what led me to yoga. Wanting to be a better person and have a healthy life. Today Im now a yoga instructor, married to a fantastic man and healthy. I have no desire to do the things that I use to do. Yoga has made me more aware of myself and how to listen to my body.

As I listened to Keith say the same things almost this morning its one more reminder that Im not alone and neither are you. Everyone has their issues. You just have to be willing to ask for help when you need it the most.

**I would like to add that ‘junk’ to Keith was cocaine in the 70-80’s and heroin at some points too. ‘Junk’ is junk doesn’t matter what drug really it was just ‘your’ junk.

If anyone that reads this and wants to know more about my own personal things let me know we can talk. I may talk about it later too. Who knows it just depends on how I feel at the time.

Namaste

Did you know that Yoda is THE man?!

I love Star Wars. I love Yoda even more. Here are some of my favorite Yoda and Star Wars quotes. They are all also very yogic too. There are tons of them so I wont bore you too much.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.
— Yoda

Always in motion is the future.
— Yoda

A Jedi’s strength flows from the Force.
— Yoda

It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.
— C-3PO

A Jedi gains power through understanding and a Sith gains understanding through power.
— PALPATINE

The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side.
— YODA

Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— OBI-WAN KENOBI

There’s always a bigger fish.
–QUI-GON JINN

May the force be with you!.. hehe I’m a big #yogadork today

xoxo
Ash

Check list of sorts

I saw someone else post a ‘To Do List’. I thought that it might be a good idea for me to do as well. There are several things that I want to get accomplished.

1. Learn to CHILL OUT more…
2. Quit stressing about things I can not change.
3. Care less about what people think.
4. Enjoy life more.
5. Learn to knit.
6. Pay less attention to negativity, jealousy, nerves, and petty emotions.
7. Learn to scuba dive.
8. Go to art exhibits.
9. Smile lots
10. Meditate more
11. Do more baking and less eating(even the dough).
12. Learn to make stationary/paper.
13. Send Christmas Cards
14. Learn to cook more healthy
15. Listen more
16. Save more $$ spend less
17. Be a better friend.
18. Talk less
19. De-clutter everything in my life not just the house.
20. Grow my own herbs(not herb)
21. Watch less TV
23. Hike more
24. Go on Picnics
25. Learn the names of the Star Wars charters for my Hubs sake.
26. Keep a better journal.
27. Practice yoga at home everyday.(got this one down already)
28. Travel out of the country
29. Be more thoughtful
30. Dream bigger
31. Spend more time with my family.
32. Teach more yoga.
33. Cut myself some slack too.. (thanks mama Kohl)

Some of this I already do but want to do it more and better. Some of it are things I just want to learn. Sometimes you just need to write things down to make them come to life. Thank you @spoiledyogi for posting this great idea.

xoxo
Ash

One foot in front of the other

It sure is true. Life is a river. Things change. Which is a good thing!!

I have noticed that life changes just when its supposed to or as it should. I have been having dreams about snakes. Which I thought at first was a bad thing. Turns out it means totally good things. Energy is shifting and things they are a changing. I know that the snakes just were a warning. Its funny how the universe leads you when you least expect it.

I’m a happy girl.

I’m making a yoga community from nothing which will be nice. So happy that things happen as they do. Also glad that I went to Asheville to open my eyes a little more. Or as Cora would say just wipe a little dust away.

I will LIVE my YOGA.. and not just do the Yoga but BE IT.

xoxo
ash

Well Damnit I care

Since I have started a steady yoga practice I have noticed that as my body opens so does EVERYTHING else. This is insane. I cry at movies now even commercials sometimes. I get my feelings hurt more easily and start to care just a bit more everyday.

Growing older is helping to. I have more empathy for people and situations that I use to not give a damn about.

I use to have a reputation for being the ‘Demon’ as my friends called me. But I’m not that person anymore. Not at all. At times I still have a temper and still blow up from time to time. Appearances of the ‘Demon’ have become few and far between.

I have PTSD from an incident in 2003 which led me to change my life. I was sick of being the party girl that everyone loved to go out with. I stayed at home for 3 months never left only to go to the local YMCA and do yoga 4 times a week. I also found a Rodney Yee DVD that I did daily. I was running almost daily too. I have to get back to that now.

I’m trying to get myself better and more healthy. I know that there are certain things that I have to do to get there. Yoga is helping me with all this. It’s amazing how much a simple act like Yoga can change your whole life with out you even knowing it till it’s already happening. I’m so happy that I have it in my life.

Ashley

Only me…

The past 2 weeks have been a bit of a whirl wind of craziness. I feel like I have even let my practice go a bit and I don’t like that.

This morning I took J to the airport for his trip to NTC(Army training) in California. He will be there for about 2 months. Which sucks cause I hate being alone.

I have noticed some strange characteristics of me and other only children lately. Thought that I might share in cause you are one, married to one, or have one as a child. These could only be about me but I would venture to say not.

1. I hate being alone. When I was little I couldn’t go to daycare. I didn’t like the other kids mainly and they were always so loud. In the 2nd grade I started walking home from school because I hated it so much. Mind you the school was RIGHT across the street but still I would rather have been at home.

2. I’m super selfish and don’t like to share anything. J and I have separate laptops, bank accounts, cars, hell we even have to fridges. I’m working on this one. Sometimes its hard to put others thoughts or feelings ahead of my own. I think that’s why I have such a wonderful person to share my life with though. He’s helping me to learn how to do this and pointing out the times that I don’t.

3. I don’t have a lot of empathy for others. I think that I first cried from a friend being upset 2 years ago. I never use to cry at movies(I do now). I know that Yoga has truly helped me with this part.

4. I still throw fits. I’m 31 years old and I don’t like it when I don’t get my way. Which isn’t very attractive in a person, teacher, friend, and especially a spouse. Not like kicking and screaming kids in Wal-Mart but I pout and am not happy.

5. I don’t trust anyone. Not even myself. I don’t know if this is cause of my issues with most people who have come into my life or if it’s just the way that I am.

Most of these things get better over the years. I know that I’m not the same person that I was when I was in my 20’s for damn sure. These things will get better the older I get.

xoxo
ash