IshNess

Ishness…. well to me that’s what Purusha is. That’s the easiest way that I can explain it.

Yoga Sutra 1.3 – The Seer abides in itself.
or how we see ourselves and the greater whole. God the universe and everything.

The seer is also purusha (pure consciousness, unchanging, unconditional awareness). When we discussed this in Hawaii on our YTT this was very hard for me to understand. I got it but I didn’t at the same time. I learn best by what I call dumbing it down. As we discussed it I looked over and Susan and she said its the ‘Ish’. Like when something is blueish. Its blue but it’s also kinda green.

Purusha is the ‘Ish’ of life. I like analogies a lot too. One that kept getting repeated for this was a lake with a muddy bottom. The more you move around the more dirt you stir up the harder it is to see. Well an easier way for me to understand this for some reason is when you go to the grocery store. You’re in the frozen food section and you open the door not really knowing what you want. As you stand there with the door open you remember that you need to shut it cause you can’t remember what it was you were going to get=prakRti. You know what you want is in there but now you can’t see since you just shut the door it’s no frosted over. Purusha is knowing what is the stuff you cant see in the freezer.

Its also kinda like the ‘force’ but its not its like the ‘forceIshNess’. The stuff that makes up the ‘force’. Or the thing that thought of the Big Bang but the Ish of that.

I probably should have written this sooner and it might have made more sense. Please ask questions about this. I understand it, it’s just hard to explain.

See if you can see the ‘Ishness’ in you.

xoxo
Ash

Take away this ball and chain

I know addicts. Hell I probably use to be one even. I think everyone has been addicted to one thing or another at least once. Could be food, someone else, your hair, the interwebs, or even yoga. Some of these aren’t bad but most of them are. I use to drink to much and party a lot. I don’t any longer.

This morning I was watching the Today Show this morning and Keith Richards was on doing an interview promoting his new book . I had to sit down and listen. I grew up on The Stones. Everytime I hear ‘Shattered’ I think about my mom driving me to school and singing it for the first time that I had ever heard it in my life. I was shocked and amazed at how cool she was for knowing that song. I know from that day on. My mom was cool. My dad had always listened to them too on vinyl.

Anyhow as I listened to Keith talk this morning about his book, Mick, and their baby The Rolling Stones. It was amazing to listen talk about his battles with drugs. Mick then went on to say that he had been off ‘junk’ for 30 years and how he can’t escape the ‘ball and chain’ as he put it.

I know how he feels. I have been clean since the week before Thanksgiving of 2003. I don’t have the urge to do ‘junk’ anymore and haven’t since I decided to quit. I come from a very small town where everyone knows everyone elses business. It just happens like that in small towns. It has taken me years to not be the ‘party girl’ I once was.

Since I have began looking to fix the things that led me to that life. It wasn’t necessarily the drugs it was more the life style that went along with it. Walking in to clubs everyone screaming your name, drinks were free, and you were everyone’s best friend. Even if just for a night. You felt awesome. One night something truly horrible happened and I was there to witness it all. This is why I now have PTSD. I went home. Never treatment of any sort. I just knew I needed my family. I have never looked back. This changed my life.

This is what led me to yoga. Wanting to be a better person and have a healthy life. Today Im now a yoga instructor, married to a fantastic man and healthy. I have no desire to do the things that I use to do. Yoga has made me more aware of myself and how to listen to my body.

As I listened to Keith say the same things almost this morning its one more reminder that Im not alone and neither are you. Everyone has their issues. You just have to be willing to ask for help when you need it the most.

**I would like to add that ‘junk’ to Keith was cocaine in the 70-80’s and heroin at some points too. ‘Junk’ is junk doesn’t matter what drug really it was just ‘your’ junk.

If anyone that reads this and wants to know more about my own personal things let me know we can talk. I may talk about it later too. Who knows it just depends on how I feel at the time.

Namaste

‘that’ girl isnt here(anymore)

I started thinking about why I bought my domain name and what it means to me and maybe even why I started doing yoga. What has changed in the these past 7 years and why I’m growing and becoming a better student and teacher everyday.

I have been known to freak out. Perhaps go off and say just the wrong thing at the wrong time. I use to be ‘that’ girl a lot. Not anymore. I try to really breathe and stay calm. I have to maintain a balance between the freak out me and the calm me all the time.

I try not to be so judgmental. Even with things that I CAN NOT stand. My life hasn’t always been easy(not that its super easy now). I didn’t have everything handed to me. I have had to prove myself over and over. I work for everything that I have. I can now keep my mouth shut and not come back with everything that bothers me. THank you yoga!

I want to teach this to other people. I want to use what I have learned to help other people who have had issues maybe even the same issues I have had.

I’m better at a lot of things now. I can verbalize myself with out freaking out. I can keep my mouth shut at the right times(sometimes). I can also do an assisted drop back, handstand against the wall, pincha mayurasana and Sirsa’s in the middle of the room. The last few are just perks from a lot of practice.

I love yoga and the person that it has helped me to become and the teacher Im growing to be.

I know yoga has worked for me. I know that I can help other people not only physically but emotionally and hopefully even spiritually. Also let them know its ok to lose your temper just own what feelings you do have.

Check list of sorts

I saw someone else post a ‘To Do List’. I thought that it might be a good idea for me to do as well. There are several things that I want to get accomplished.

1. Learn to CHILL OUT more…
2. Quit stressing about things I can not change.
3. Care less about what people think.
4. Enjoy life more.
5. Learn to knit.
6. Pay less attention to negativity, jealousy, nerves, and petty emotions.
7. Learn to scuba dive.
8. Go to art exhibits.
9. Smile lots
10. Meditate more
11. Do more baking and less eating(even the dough).
12. Learn to make stationary/paper.
13. Send Christmas Cards
14. Learn to cook more healthy
15. Listen more
16. Save more $$ spend less
17. Be a better friend.
18. Talk less
19. De-clutter everything in my life not just the house.
20. Grow my own herbs(not herb)
21. Watch less TV
23. Hike more
24. Go on Picnics
25. Learn the names of the Star Wars charters for my Hubs sake.
26. Keep a better journal.
27. Practice yoga at home everyday.(got this one down already)
28. Travel out of the country
29. Be more thoughtful
30. Dream bigger
31. Spend more time with my family.
32. Teach more yoga.
33. Cut myself some slack too.. (thanks mama Kohl)

Some of this I already do but want to do it more and better. Some of it are things I just want to learn. Sometimes you just need to write things down to make them come to life. Thank you @spoiledyogi for posting this great idea.

xoxo
Ash

TCB

I procrastinate.. I know I do. I’m trying to get better at that. I did get my business cards done tonight. Class Schedule updated on my website and just feel like I have had the best day today. Not that I did anything fantastic but it was nice.

Im getting ready for my weekend in North Carolina already trying to get some reading done before I get there. I cant wait to meet Cora and Angela. I need a good relaxing yoga weekend with some great #yogadorks

I have promised my self at least 1 yoga trip a year.. At least.

ash

Well Damnit I care

Since I have started a steady yoga practice I have noticed that as my body opens so does EVERYTHING else. This is insane. I cry at movies now even commercials sometimes. I get my feelings hurt more easily and start to care just a bit more everyday.

Growing older is helping to. I have more empathy for people and situations that I use to not give a damn about.

I use to have a reputation for being the ‘Demon’ as my friends called me. But I’m not that person anymore. Not at all. At times I still have a temper and still blow up from time to time. Appearances of the ‘Demon’ have become few and far between.

I have PTSD from an incident in 2003 which led me to change my life. I was sick of being the party girl that everyone loved to go out with. I stayed at home for 3 months never left only to go to the local YMCA and do yoga 4 times a week. I also found a Rodney Yee DVD that I did daily. I was running almost daily too. I have to get back to that now.

I’m trying to get myself better and more healthy. I know that there are certain things that I have to do to get there. Yoga is helping me with all this. It’s amazing how much a simple act like Yoga can change your whole life with out you even knowing it till it’s already happening. I’m so happy that I have it in my life.

Ashley

Change is Good??

Well I decided to take the job that I had originally turned down.  Still with the radio stations I work for, still doing my job(sales), and now also handling the Interwebs sales for all 3 stations.

Kinda freaks me out a little I’m not sure if im going to know all the stuff,  hell I just figured out WP.  Anyhow I know that  I have a good support team here(most of the time).  It’s just knowing who to call with the correct questions.  I don’t want to be responsible for something failing.

It will look good on a resume.  My new title is Digital Media Specialist.  Sounds fancy doesn’t it??  All i know is I(we) need the money and its hard to turn down anything that has some money attached to it.

I’m also going on Ft Sill to apply for the Yoga teacher job.  It’s with kids that’s the only reason that I have been leery.  For the most part kids love me.  Sometimes I worry that I’m not a good mentor for them.

I do know I’m not the same person that I use to be.  Yoga has changed me.  I want to share that now with someone else that needs it.

xoxo

ash

Its offical Im a Yoga teacher now..

I offically have my own yoga class to teach now. Yay. Im so excited.. I have taught 1 as of now but I cant wait for next Sunday to teach again. This is one of the best things that I could have ever done for myself. Im so happy that I got my CYT.

Im working on my 100 hours that I have to have to have to get my EYRT now and im pretty confused at the whole process of how to do that now. Yoga Alliance is like trying to speak a different language to me..

I will keep teaching and trying though.

Life is all about redue’s so i will keep redueing till i get it right.

ashdyogini