Cancer Sucks

At the beginning of August our older dog Drake was diagnosed with cancer. The vet couldn’t ever get a good sample to send off to the lab so she basically told us it was the worst. It’s in his mandible he’s 10 years old. I ask the vet what she would do if it were her dog. She told us to manage pain and make him as happy and comfortable as possible.

The Vet said that this form of cancer is generally in limbs of animals. If they amputate from where the tumor is then they usually only give them 6 months tops to live. Since it was in his head then it would spread quicker. We have been preparing for the worst. I have never owned anything long enough for it to die on me. I haven’t had to deal with death and watching something die ever. I have technically been with the dog longer than my husband since he’s been on many deployments. I have never seen my husband so upset. Which is understandable.

Last Friday we took Drake in to get a check up. The Vet honestly looked surprised that he was doing so well. Since the initial diagnosis our female Kali has gone in heat. We are hoping that we get a Drake Jr out of the bunch if she is prego. The Vet is now thinking that it might not be the ‘bad’ cancer that she originally thought it was. I’m just happy that we are going to get to keep him around a little longer than we had hoped in the beginning.

Since we have found out about our dog. Several people who I ‘know’ have gotten some of the same news. I had no idea that cancer was this bad in dogs now days. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Whatever we are doing seems to be working so I’m just going to keep on doing that.

I just wanted to share what I have learned from this experience. Don’t ever let a day go by with out you letting the people or pets in this case not know how much you love them. Give them that extra hug and scratch. They will love you even more for it.

xoxo
Ash

IshNess

Ishness…. well to me that’s what Purusha is. That’s the easiest way that I can explain it.

Yoga Sutra 1.3 – The Seer abides in itself.
or how we see ourselves and the greater whole. God the universe and everything.

The seer is also purusha (pure consciousness, unchanging, unconditional awareness). When we discussed this in Hawaii on our YTT this was very hard for me to understand. I got it but I didn’t at the same time. I learn best by what I call dumbing it down. As we discussed it I looked over and Susan and she said its the ‘Ish’. Like when something is blueish. Its blue but it’s also kinda green.

Purusha is the ‘Ish’ of life. I like analogies a lot too. One that kept getting repeated for this was a lake with a muddy bottom. The more you move around the more dirt you stir up the harder it is to see. Well an easier way for me to understand this for some reason is when you go to the grocery store. You’re in the frozen food section and you open the door not really knowing what you want. As you stand there with the door open you remember that you need to shut it cause you can’t remember what it was you were going to get=prakRti. You know what you want is in there but now you can’t see since you just shut the door it’s no frosted over. Purusha is knowing what is the stuff you cant see in the freezer.

Its also kinda like the ‘force’ but its not its like the ‘forceIshNess’. The stuff that makes up the ‘force’. Or the thing that thought of the Big Bang but the Ish of that.

I probably should have written this sooner and it might have made more sense. Please ask questions about this. I understand it, it’s just hard to explain.

See if you can see the ‘Ishness’ in you.

xoxo
Ash

Sirsasana Still

Today was the first day that I actually got on my yoga mat at home in a long while. I have been neglecting my home practice bad.

I didn’t even do that long of a practice but I know that I HAVE to do Sirsasana every time I practice yoga at all. So tonight I got on my yoga mat. The big black one and was in Sirsasana in no time. Perhaps its like riding a bike.?

I have been teaching my classes but not letting myself be a student. From now on its more about me and the mat. I need this now. I have felt self-destructive and crazy lately. I know it’s because my personal yoga practice is not that strong at the moment.

I know that if I put it into writing I’m more likely to follow through with it. So here goes. At least 20mins a day for at least the next 60days. I leave for Hawaii in 29 days (but who’s counting right?).

xoxo
Ash

Run Lucky

Let me start by saying I’m not a runner. I have never been a runner. I’m trying very hard to be one though. I love being able to spend some quality time with my husband while I run. He’s very patient with me. He is a runner and runs daily.

Well today was my 2nd 5k ever. I did better than my first one which was last October actually took 4mins of my time. It was a beautiful run in Oklahoma City around the Chesapeake Campus. I did the run with J, one of my best friends Lacie and her cousin. The weather was a little chilly but it was fine.

Lacie did better than I did but that’s fine. It’s not a race to me. Its me getting out there and trying to do it on my own(with J’s help too). I just want to get better with every run I go on. I would love to eventually be able to run the whole thing.

Running is a lot different from yoga to me. I feel totally in control with yoga. Running I don’t so much. I have asthma attacks, my body freaks out about the stress and I’m not sure that I really like it at all but this is some that I WANT to be able to do.

Its kind of crazy that drop backs don’t scare me at all but every time I’m waiting to run I’m all jacked up stressed and freaking out in the inside. I will get better. I just have to do more. It’s a practice just like anything else in life.

Part of my yoga lately has been finding the joy in something that I don’t totally love. Then starting to love it too. Running is hard work. I have a lot of love for people that really really enjoy it. Maybe I will get there maybe I wont. Im sure going to try though.

At least at the end of this 5k they had a beer garden.. 🙂 Nice cold beer finishing the race was awful nice.!!

xoxo

#365Yoga: Day 32 Chillax

I have realized I will not be able to write about this daily. I’m going to try to use Instagram post something a picture of whats going on with yoga and other things.

I can see a true shift in my life since this year has begun. I have been doing more self-study than anything really. I have been on the mat. In the new house I have a yoga room though. I love it.! I feel so lucky to be able to have one.

AshdYogi's Yoga room

I’m happy I love my yoga mat and I miss doing so much asana. Today reminded me to slow down and really enjoy everything that I have worked hard for. As a yoga student, wife and yoga teacher. I need that time for me. It helps. Namaste and enjoy the snow. It doesn’t come around much.

Yoga 365

Day 3: I’m sick, tummy is jacked up and I can’t make it far from my bed or bathroom. I think I ate some uncooked chicken last night or perhaps it was too much butter on my bucket of popcorn. Anyhow I’m here and it is what it is. I’m home sick from work.

I got Judith Lasater’s book out that most of my fellow #yogadorks are reading to see what she had to say about today’s #Yoga365. Judith says that we should have expectations about things that are going on. Negative or positive we can not tell what other people are thinking about the same situation.

Adho Mukha Svanasana- Downward Dog

Today downward dog is my friend. I have been there for a few minutes today already and enjoy hanging out there. It helps me to turn things upside down a little even when I’m not feeling well. Yoga helps me in almost every situation in my life.

365 Yoga: Day 1

So im starting 2011 by trying to commit to doing Yoga for weather it be reading, meditation, asana or perhaps even writing(which Im trying to do more of). Im going to try to talk about it often but not to much to wear no one wants to read it.

Im going to be reading A Year of Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater along with several of my friends on twitter.

Today Im reading and watching movies cozy up on the couch with 2 snoring dogs and J. Drinking tea. I need a chill day..

I love tea

Yoga Mantra We All Need To Live By

This came to me today as a tagged picture. I read it and instantly felt like this is some thing that I have been growing through myself and know many Yogis and Non-Yogis going through in one way or another.

This is a nice summary of what I want to bring to yoga classes. Especially ones that I am a part of. Yoga is for everyone. It’s not mine it’s not yours it’s for EVERYONE.

Namaste and thank you Mama Kohl for finding it!

Rub me down..

OK so I’m 31 and I had never had a massage till yesterday. All I can say is WOW. I don’t know how I lasted that long with out one. I already made an appointment for another one. I love love love it.

I did not realize however how bad my right hip is till yesterday. It’s the stiffer of the 2 but its better too. Last night it even helped take minutes off my run. Which is getting better too. I think that the massage was a key to unlock things that had before felt like they were never going to open. Like my shoulders. I was also amazed that such a little girl could really get down deep on me. I wanted to get up and immediately start doing drop backs it was awesome!. I can’t wait for my next one.

I will try to get a massage at the minimum at least once a month. Every 3 weeks is the goal now.

Namaste..

Take away this ball and chain

I know addicts. Hell I probably use to be one even. I think everyone has been addicted to one thing or another at least once. Could be food, someone else, your hair, the interwebs, or even yoga. Some of these aren’t bad but most of them are. I use to drink to much and party a lot. I don’t any longer.

This morning I was watching the Today Show this morning and Keith Richards was on doing an interview promoting his new book . I had to sit down and listen. I grew up on The Stones. Everytime I hear ‘Shattered’ I think about my mom driving me to school and singing it for the first time that I had ever heard it in my life. I was shocked and amazed at how cool she was for knowing that song. I know from that day on. My mom was cool. My dad had always listened to them too on vinyl.

Anyhow as I listened to Keith talk this morning about his book, Mick, and their baby The Rolling Stones. It was amazing to listen talk about his battles with drugs. Mick then went on to say that he had been off ‘junk’ for 30 years and how he can’t escape the ‘ball and chain’ as he put it.

I know how he feels. I have been clean since the week before Thanksgiving of 2003. I don’t have the urge to do ‘junk’ anymore and haven’t since I decided to quit. I come from a very small town where everyone knows everyone elses business. It just happens like that in small towns. It has taken me years to not be the ‘party girl’ I once was.

Since I have began looking to fix the things that led me to that life. It wasn’t necessarily the drugs it was more the life style that went along with it. Walking in to clubs everyone screaming your name, drinks were free, and you were everyone’s best friend. Even if just for a night. You felt awesome. One night something truly horrible happened and I was there to witness it all. This is why I now have PTSD. I went home. Never treatment of any sort. I just knew I needed my family. I have never looked back. This changed my life.

This is what led me to yoga. Wanting to be a better person and have a healthy life. Today Im now a yoga instructor, married to a fantastic man and healthy. I have no desire to do the things that I use to do. Yoga has made me more aware of myself and how to listen to my body.

As I listened to Keith say the same things almost this morning its one more reminder that Im not alone and neither are you. Everyone has their issues. You just have to be willing to ask for help when you need it the most.

**I would like to add that ‘junk’ to Keith was cocaine in the 70-80’s and heroin at some points too. ‘Junk’ is junk doesn’t matter what drug really it was just ‘your’ junk.

If anyone that reads this and wants to know more about my own personal things let me know we can talk. I may talk about it later too. Who knows it just depends on how I feel at the time.

Namaste