Lately lots of things have been coming up.. We may have to PCS(aka move) we may not. We don’t know and I hate that. I hate the fact of not knowing when my husband comes home from work that we may have to have ‘that’ talk about moving.
I know that this needs to be his decision mostly. I can work anywhere and I know this. I’m not worried about me finding a job. I’m worried about him being happy. The Army is his career.
To me I have jobs. JH’s job is an actual career that he will retire from one day. I’m super proud of him and everything that he has already accomplished in his 12yrs in the Army. We have made it through one 15 month deployment that wasnt easy.
I do know now more than anything that I love this man and will be with him no matter what. We can deal with anything. I think that we have proved that by this point too. I wont be the Army wife that you see at the bar the day her husband jumps on a plane to go to War.
This past weekend I met up with some girls that I have grown up with my whole life. One has been my friend since we were 4. Thats a long time. Most of my ‘old’ friends I no longer talk to.
This hasn’t been easy for me but I bet it’s not easy for everyone.
Most of my old friends are on drugs, unemployed, in prison, dead, or I have no idea where they are but really don’t care. It’s weird to go out in the ‘Sha. I always see people from High School. That ‘one guy’ you always thought was hot is now an alcoholic, living in a pain pill coma for most of his days now. It’s sad to see some of these people who I have always loved just shrivel up and go into these dark places.
I know with out 2 things in my life I would probably be on some of these same paths. Yoga being a major one and J being the other.
Yoga has changed everything about me. The way I sit here and type this, the way that I breathe, the way I hold my head up when I walk in a room with a tall spine, hell even they way I drink my beer is different. Im a better person today cause of Yoga. More patient, loving, less selfish, more empathic and sympathetic(I use to just not give a shit), and more forgiving of myself and others.
Now with J, he has made me want to be a better person. Made me understand that I can’t always be the things that I want to do but the things that I HAVE to do to get by. It’s weird how someone can help you to change.. Not make you change cause that’s wrong i think. Before I was with him I didn’t care about saving money for anything other than that new Coach purse. And now I want to buy a house.
JH asks me a lot if i want to live in the town that I’m from. I don’t think that it matters now as much as it did a year ago even. I can be happy anywhere as long as I have Yoga and JH. But then again after being in the ‘Sha on friday night I realized that maybe I didn’t want to live there.
Being in the Army in OK kind of limits the places you can live. Lawton being the main one. One good thing about it is that is only 30 miles south of where my whole family is. I guess when we find out about JH’s job we will know more about buying a home. Im just ready to get started on this next chapter and a house would be the great way to start.
Until then.. I will not stress about this and will enjoy my life, time, yoga, and love…
xoxo
ash
ps.. thats an old pic from right after we got married.. thought it was cute and I would share though!